2020 - A Year in Review

Anon 1

Well, I’m not a person who ruminates much however this particular activity thrilled me as it helps me to 'self-reflect'. So before dementia sets in & my brain cells decay, I told myself why not dust my old digital pen nib off & write about my fruitful yet not-so prolific year.

 

Oh boy, where do I start...

- In a bitter-sweet way I learned how & when to mute my mic & turn off video on a plethora of virtual communication channels before the entire audience at work, yoga class, etc., knew that I'm a potty mouth & eye-roller...I consider that a big win this year.

-Turned my mind to work to keep myself occupied, I have only taken 24 hours/3 days of vacation this year- which I'm not going to repeat again ever.

-I’ve learned a lot about myself  more than ever & was amazed/surprised/shocked:

• For starters realized that I'm a compulsive liar (excuse moi not pathological)  & eater 
•  I have accelerated my gratitude levels subconsciously and also that I love my friends & family more than I express.
  
•  I can live positively/non-negatively amongst uncertainties  & completed 4 books and more in progress.
•  My beau & I can cuddle and stare into the sky silently for many minutes(not hours..jeez)
• Everything is not black & white in life-including my caricatures(yes plural-brag much!)
• I can watch & rewatch any number of comedy series in a dead loop(tried educational documentaries & national geographic as well but Nah)
•   I can cope even after not - 
• Holding my Mr.Nephew-new-born yet
• Attending my bestie's wedding
• Visiting family in India /UK
• I’m almost a polyglot since I almost learnt 4 languages this year.

 Stop judging me ughh... I'm not a narcissist although most of the above sentences started with "I" or "My" lol. Looking forward to being less capricious & focusing on discipline, consistency in self-care both mind & body as well as reducing carbon footprint & plastic usage further. Hope I'm not kidding myself while I pat on my imaginary wings & say  "Look at my metamorphosis"

Anon 2

When I began 2020, I didn’t know what the year had in store for me like everyone else. But I had this sick feeling I still remember, that something bad is gonna happen. Being a nature lover and animal activist, I was kind of depressed about the climate crisis happening around the world and how people neglected nature’s wellbeing. But I didn’t expect a huge pandemic this sooner. 

For me personally “2020 “ was not the worst year of my life. In some ways, it was actually great. It was the first year in over a decade I had more time to do things that I enjoy the most which I’d been procrastinating. I had more time to do gardening, read my favourite books, and listen to a lot of music. I slept under the stars alone. I journaled almost everyday listing out what I am thankful for and my momentary feelings. I attended the online wedding of my very best friend which was crazy. I discovered my love for the french language. 

Financially, this year was bad for a lot of artists and entrepreneurs, I included. But I tried to explore different career options that I love and met some interesting clients. I think losing loved ones is the only painful experience I had this year. I was a little lost for some time. But over time I learned to embrace the uncertainty and make the most of the time I have been given here.

Anon 3

I started out 2020 thinking that this would be the year I would leave everything behind and go off to Europe or somewhere if nothing good happened to me. For the past two years, I have been miserable about my stagnant career, lack of a path forward, my various physical problems, and a general feeling of insufficiency. A drastic “Eat Pray Love” move of leaving everything behind to improve my life seemed promising. Very fittingly, 2020 was a great reminder that what happens to us is never really under our control but our reaction always is! I wished to look at my life with new lenses and move forward and for the most part, I did. Therapy, self-reflective walks, and vlogging helped quite a bit to clear my mind, validate my thoughts, and keep me on track. I learned to be kinder to myself and realized life is not all glory or all gloom. I had my fair share of relapses and bursts of crying and self-pity but I learned to accept it as a part of the journey, instead of an excuse to stop trying. 

My top realizations 

• Instead of wallowing in self-pity, it’s better to accept things and think of ways to improve them. 
  
• Anything of value is not made overnight. It’s not a higher calling or a stroke of genius. It begins with inklings and ideas, small yet persistent efforts, and some belief and conviction. The compounding effect over time is the secret. 
  
• Cultivating gratitude is an under-rated and essential quality. “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for” - Epicurus

My top achievements

1. I wanted to become physically stronger and reduce my PCOS symptoms this year. Years of reading tidbits about nutrition, zeroing in on my favorite work out routine, and embracing a more vegetable-based, gluten-free lifestyle paid off good dividends. I worked out almost 5 out of 7 days every week and tried sugar-free, dairy-free, and gluten-free diets for short periods this year. I lost almost 20 lbs in the process and feel stronger both mentally and physically. I want to continue to gain muscle, work on my shoulder issue, and eat healthily.
   
   
2. On the career front, I took small steps to read and research potential career areas. I had doubts about how my slow pace and seemingly non-significant moves could get me anywhere but they are helping over time. I have always struggled with the overwhelming responsibility of choosing a worthwhile career path. I have not been happy with my engineering or my analyst path but was not sure what I wanted to do. Therapy made me realize that I was so overwhelmed because I was putting the pressure of doing something fantastic or nothing. I had to just make small steps towards what seemed interesting and evaluate my options by weighing the investment vs. impact vs. my desires. 
   
   I started reading a bit about new things. I always liked being in the energy sector. I learned about the energy transition, energy access, and the environment. I realized I could combine my wish to do socially impactful work by working on providing clean/reliable energy access to people in developing countries. I decided to apply for an MBA focussed on energy and did the entire circus of GRE, essays, and talking to tons of people. While I work in NGLs, I volunteered to analyze the EV market, which has kept me engaged. It felt overwhelming many times, but A was always there to cheer me on. What I realized through all these developments is that you seldom are 100% sure of things but you still need to try - try new things, look at new ideas and let it stir for some time to lead to something worthwhile. 
   
   
3. I got married! Because of the luxury of WFH, A moved in with me. It was great to learn to live together and also, fight and learn more about each other. I enjoyed our long walks and the opportunity to muse and discuss ideas. In him, I have found a partner whom I can trust, confide in, and openly admit my shortcomings. He is a very good human which also inspires me to become better. Despite our loved ones not being here, our wedding was amazing. Our family and friends showered their love from a distance with their lovely wishes and surprise gifts! 

Next Year

I want to cultivate the habit of reading at least a bit before sleeping, continue growing my knowledge and skills, try strategies to reduce over-thinking, manage decision anxiety, angry outbursts, and learn to be more understanding and less reactive. Also, I want to build on my relationships with friends and family and be in touch more frequently. 

I hope to keep moving forward and accepting and taking things in my stride! 

Anon 4

I’m not even sure where to start with 2020. It has been heavy, very very heavy. It has been the year to be resilient. It has been a year where patience has been constantly tested. It has been a year of massive loss. This note will not be very positive, because, for too many, including myself, I do think this year has taken a lot more than it has given. From the loss of a loved one to covid to a broken relationship with someone who didn’t care to the simple things like traveling, going to concerts, eating at restaurants... it felt like everything was taken away. Yet, I am still here. We are all still here. Keeping faith. Hoping that things will turn around. Praying that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Surviving, to make it through one day at a time. Because that is what life is, surviving through the tough phases, so we can finally experience the ease, happiness, comfort of a good phase once again. And so I am happy to see 2020 go. I aim to stay resilient. I aim to be kind to myself. I aim to make better decisions. And I pray that 2021 is the year that things finally change for the better. Because God knows, 2020 has taken too much, and I am tired.

Anon 5

Wow, what a year it has been!

To say the year was filled with emotions would be an understatement. To kick off the year I visited India to attend my sister's marriage, which was a blast but left me teary-eyed. A few months later, I found myself telling mom and dad about the girl I wanted to marry, they were very supportive and excited to book the venue, tickets, and kick off the celebrations. Soon after that, I moved in with her. We had had our bumpy mini-move-in earlier so this was smooth sailing. Cooking, exercising, walks we did everything together this year. Thanks to our employers who let us be remote and work from home. The marriage day drew closer, and we had to accept that our parents won't be able to attend (so much for the planning!). We were sad, but I couldn't begin to imagine what my parents would have been going through. This is it, this was the moment they were looking for all their lives. I had heard so many different things that they wanted to do for my wedding all reduced to zoom meeting and youtube streaming. They sent a recorded message, all dressed up and dancing to baraat song, I cried. It made my belief stronger that the little joys of being with loved ones are far greater than what money can buy.

On the professional front, I switched jobs, I had wanted to do this for a long time. I am not sure yet if it was a wise move, but it was a move. During the process, I learnt something valuable. Always, know your reasons for a decision and whenever they begin to lose foundation, re-evaluate.

I just checked and this will be my 11th year-end review. The last 10 went into a friend's compilation who has been one of the most prominent members of my life in the last decade, so it makes sense to start this decade by moving it to a different compilation, a more permanent one.

Anon 6

I had no plans or aims for this year. I pretty much took things as they came. Yet, this year has been one filled with epiphanies and profound realizations. Maybe it is because I turned 27 or because it is probably the culmination of a lot of life experiences. Suddenly it feels like the ground beneath my feet has shifted a little and I see things in a different light.

I must confess that I had a very different idea of what being 27 would feel like. I thought I would feel more in control of my life and have more clarity. But it is rarely like that. As in whatever ideas you associate with a certain age or time of your life, rarely meet up to expectations. Because, I think the moment you start getting comfortable in your space and time, life throws up challenges of its own. So, you keep playing it by the ear. 

The highlight (or what I jokingly call “lowlight”) of the year has to be that I had to come face to face with the end of a long and loving relationship and it broke my heart. I spent many months crying and coming to terms with it. I could not blame anyone either, because I broke off the relationship. Ironical. Makes you wonder why would I cry if I did not want to see the relationship progress? It made me understand how one could want two conflicting things in life, I did not want to have this person leave my life in any way and yet I did not want a future with this person. Feelings are not very straightforward; in fact, ambivalent at most times. It made me appreciate the complexity of emotions...it also made me appreciate that there is often a disparity in our actions and feelings. Hence, the heartbreak…? 

The process of grieving and getting over this heartbreak also made me more empathetic and compassionate (even if briefly). I could feel a wider range of emotions at that time and I took that opportunity to reach out to people who I had been insensitive and dismissive towards and make amends. What they say is true, grief, and adverse circumstances, help shape you. 

I started therapy, to address this aforesaid heartbreak and this sense of soul-crushing cynicism that the pandemic was bringing about. I went in with an open mind. While my therapist did not have the answers to any of my problems (I don’t think people have answers to your problems, once you grow old, in any case), it was very helpful. But therapy helped me be more honest with myself and identify my behavior pattern. It has helped me identify what triggers my emotions and address them in whatever way I can. 

Another big part of this year were the issues I was facing at my job and at the career front. If I was on the fence about it earlier; I have realized that I cannot work in this sector, anymore. It is exhausting, draining, and leaves very little time to do anything else or spend time with family. I have struggled with this decision for some months now and I have finally arrived at it. I am of course nervous and lost about what lies ahead. Now I have stopped talking to people because I hate to have to talk about the same things again and I want to finally start acting, stop talking. A happy realization I came to while mulling over my life decisions was that I would not have done anything differently. The career choices I made. It has made me the person I am today. I have explored the country, had so many life experiences, opened up my mind. I am grateful for my education, exposure and would not do anything differently. But I do want to change things moving forward. 

This year also had me come face to face with this ugly, ugly feeling called “envy”. I felt envy against all those near to me (which has never happened before) for having or enjoying the things that I was struggling to have in life or have materialized for me. Papa tells me that you should learn to be content in life with what you have. I think that is true. If I could achieve that - contentment, gratitude for what I have and a way of not having my happiness depend on some things alone (like my job and romantic relationship), I would have truly achieved something. 

The aforesaid therapy also helped me notice, how I spent a lot of time living in my head. Another thing I hope to achieve is snapping back to the present, living the now, and not fantasizing about hypothetical situations. 

It has been a that has greatly changed me. I am in some ways grateful for this year too. It has been my personal initiation into adulthood. I have gone through the drill enough number of times to know that new year’s resolutions don’t work for me. But what I do hope to achieve in the coming year is the following:

a. transition into a new career path

b. learn meditation

c. find some form of exercise and try doing it regularly

d. finding contentment in my present circumstances 

e. living in the now